Self-esteem

Everyone has times where they feel good about themselves, and times when they feel less good. If your self-esteem is high, you’re more likely to see yourself in a positive light most of the time. If it’s low, you are more likely to view yourself negatively.

But everyone is different - so even if you feel less good about yourself, this doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. The most important thing to know is that some things can help you feel more positive. 

What causes low self-esteem?  

When your self-esteem is low, you think negatively about you own abilities and worth. The more often you have these thoughts, the lower your self-esteem is likely to be.  

 Some common causes of low self-esteem include:  

• Negative friends or peers 
• Unrealistic goals 
• Being bullied 
• Feelings of loneliness 
• A lot of criticism or neglect from adults in your life  

How do I know if I have low self-esteem?  

Self-esteem isn’t fixed, and everyone will have different levels of confidence. If you have lower self-esteem, signs might include: 

• Comparing yourself to other people 
• Negative self-talk 
• Blaming yourself for things 
• Persistent fear of failure  
• Trying to please others 
• Getting defensive when you think you’re being criticised 
• Avoiding certain situations  
• Lack of motivation 
• Neglecting or even abusing yourself (in more severe cases) 

 

How can I build positive self-esteem?  

Build positive self-esteem may take a little time. Try talking to a parent or a carer you trust about getting support.  

Some simple exercises can help you explore ideas of self-esteem.  

Activity: the thoughts diary  

>> Useful to help identify positive things about yourself.  

Keeping a diary can help you identify daily successes and things that have gone well. When we feel bad about ourselves, we often forget to notice these things.  

Try answering some of the questions below: 

• Today I had fun when… 

• I helped someone to… 
• Something I did well today was… 
• A nice thing someone did for me today was.. 
• Today was interesting because… 
• I felt good about myself today when… 

• I felt proud today when… 

 

Activity: social media   

>> Useful for looking at using social media in a healthy way.   

Have a chat with a parent, carer or trusted adult about whether social media has ever made you feel less confident. Together, it might be useful to think about:  

• Why you enjoy social media 
• What aspects of media appeals to you - this can help you understand why you follow certain people and post certain things  
• Whether or not ‘likes’ on a photo or post is valuable feedback. 
• The differences between admiration and jealousy. This can help you see the people you follow as role models rather than someone to compare yourself to.  

• How what you see online doesn’t always reflect real life. For example, did you know there’s a company in Moscow that rents out a grounded private jet as a photography studio for aspiring travel ‘influencers’ to pretend they have a luxury lifestyle?  
• Try to guess which photos on social media have a filter or not. How easy is it to tell? Why might someone use a filter?